Courage

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Resolutions 2014

“Believe you can and you’re half way there.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

New Year’s Day rings in with lists of resolutions. It’s a natural time to reflect on last year’s mis-steps and the new year’s missions. “This year,” the lists read, “I resolve to eat less, to exercise more, to stop procrastinating, to quit smoking, to spend less money and to save more.” happy_new_year_fireworks_and_special_effects_highdefinition_picture_170356Resolutions are posted in magazines and newspapers, on refrigerators, on Facebook and Twitter. Now there are even Smartphone Apps to keep us focused on these promises. Time’s article “10 Apps to Help Your New Year’s Resolutions Stick” helps assure adherence to improvement.

Like some of my Facebook friends, though, I’m not sure I want to write a list this year. Yes, it can help focus resolves. Writing down a goal is a first step toward achieving it, right? But will I stay focused? Is putting it on paper or online enough? Author Sharon Sala writes, “If you want to do better…or you want a change in your life, don’t make a big deal out of it. Just do it!”  Solid advice from a practical woman.

Paris - Seine - Copy 1

Tom & I cruising the Seine

The world is a scary place. It’s made scarier by those things out of our control – accidents, disease, violence, death. New Year’s Resolutions may improve our day to day life but they can’t guard against life’s tragedies.  What can help us get through is another sort of resolve – a desire to adjust our attitude toward life.  Toss out the bad.  Resurrect the good.  Cherish each day — past and present.  “Just do it!”

About four years ago I received a diagnosis. Eating healthier to lose weight would help.  That wasn’t easy considering weight loss is probably the number one fail on each list of New Year’s resolutions. But I told myself repeatedly that, if I didn’t do it, I would grow sicker and die. I told myself so often that I came to believe it. So I lived my life eating healthy. I cut out junk and counted calories.  Amazingly I lost weight and became healthier. I’ve backslid some since then, but parts of that belief are still ingrained in my brain, still nudging me toward health. I must listen. I have my sons, my family, and my goals to live for. (One is to publish the great American novel. Gotta do that before I leave this earth. 🙂 )

Two years ago my soul mate and sons’ father unexpectedly left us. His sudden passing devastated me and his family. Those who have endured such loss know more than anyone that no words can describe the pain, the paralyzing grief.  On the day of his funeral, a dear family member quietly told me that if ever I felt myself slipping into despair, imagine instead that I was the one in Heaven and he was still alive on Earth but now sinking into darkness. Would I want him to grieve in such a way? Or would I want him to learn to live without me? Would I want him happy? In the shock of my beloved’s death, I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other. I did what must be done.  That led me through the first many months. Her compassionate words are leading me through the rest.  I would want him to be happy.

My new home in Wisconsin
(Thank you, Sue, for the winter photo)

It takes a change in attitude, learning to adjust and move forward. I believe that’s what is needed to see any sort of resolution succeed. For me, that means adjusting my mindset to help achieve my goals. At midnight, as I heard a few fireworks exploding in the distance to celebrate the birth of 2014, the word brave came to me on a whisper, Tom’s voice.  I need to be brave this year and in the years to come.

There’s so much ahead.  I’ll retire this year and say goodbye to my job of twenty years. I’ll move 800 miles back to my hometown, to my new home. There’s so much to do. I’m eager for my move, but it’s also a huge change and a bit frightening. It will take bravery to make it all happen.  A list will help but this year I must focus on attitude and my new found word to guide me. In 2014 and in the years to come, I must be brave.

What word will help you achieve your New Year’s goals?  ♥

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Road Trip

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Words haven’t come easy these last months.  I’ve struggled to simply hang on, to perform routine jobs – household projects, tasks at work – seeking a sense of normalcy in a suddenly abnormal world.  Other than two valued meetings, my once bright realm of writing dimmed into darkness.

Country Highway

But recently, out of the night shadows a plan slipped in that might help awaken my creative soul.  I decided to go on an adventure.   I would take a road trip.

So, early Friday morning I brewed strong coffee, grabbed suitcase and snacks, and climbed into the Honda Accord.  It was my husband’s car, the one he used on his daily commute.  Driving it, I still felt his warm presence.  I gave Ingrid her coordinates then began my journey across the vast green of Pennsylvania and beyond.  A three-day weekend lay ahead.

Over rivers and rolling farmland, through the turnpike’s mountain tunnels – Blue Mountain, Kittatinny, Tuscarora, Allegheny – I drove west toward Pittsburgh.  A quick stop at a service plaza netted farm-fresh peaches and a jar of homemade pear butter.  Occasionally I’d turn on the radio, scanning local stations.  Mostly I drove in comfortable silence keeping company with thoughts and memories.

Cathedral of Learning

As I neared Pittsburgh, partially cloudy skies greyed.  Ingrid guided me into the city and through the proper turns while rain splashed down.  The downpour didn’t last long.  By the time I reached my son’s apartment it was dwindling to a drizzle.

He’s a Pitt student, my middle son, as was his father’s father.  So after I toured his apartment we drove toward the University and parked.  We ate lunch at The Porch on Schenley then strolled over to the Cathedral of Learning, built during the early part of the 20th century in part by dimes collected by the nuns from area school children.  It’s a magnificent structure filled with beauty and knowledge.  My son showed me where he’ll attend classes and hear lectures this fall.  Together we walked around campus and I bought Pitt t-shirts – 2 for $12 at a corner street kiosk.  Too soon time ran short so we made plans for Sunday then hugged and parted.

I continued on my road trip, toward Cleveland and a Saturday writers’ workshop just south of the city.  It was the timing and location that first tempted me into registering for NEORWA’s one-day workshop.  It fit well with my needs, I thought, and might motivate me to begin writing again.  It was all that and more.

From 9 am until 5 pm on Saturday, prolific Texas author Candace Havens spoke to a group of 60+ writers on a myriad of writing topics.  She talked about goals, plotting, and brainstorming.  She gave a thrilling talk about Fast Draft – a way to generate the first draft of a novel in two weeks by writing 20 pages a day.  She discussed Michael Hague’s six-step plot structure, and Jim Butcher’s story arc. We broke for lunch and conversation with fellow writers.  The workshop continued into the afternoon –  “Revision Hell,” branding, marketing, and building an image in the marketplace.  An incredibly rich, motivating day.

Pitt Panther

On Sunday morning I drove back to Pittsburgh where I once more met with my son.  This time we enjoyed a full and varied Sunday breakfast buffet at Joe Mama’s on Forbes Avenue.  Under blue skies and sunshine, we again strolled around campus.  Then, as on Friday, all too soon it was time to part.

The drive east went smooth, despite heavy Sunday traffic and occasional summer road construction.  Two-thirds of the way home, I detoured down to the National Cemetery near Annville to visit my beloved’s grave.  The section where he rests isn’t filled so the sod is not yet laid.  The brown, barren ground around the granite stones gives it a stark appearance.  But that didn’t diminish the power of the site. For a long while, I stood in silent conversation then strolled back to the car.

I arrived home late evening.  It was a good trip for many reasons.  The open highway in fair weather brought some peace.   I cherished the visits with my son. I enjoyed NEORWA’s writers’ workshop and new writing friends made there.  I savored the warmth of memories relived.

And somewhere, along the way, a seed for a new story miraculously germinated and is taking root.   ♥

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The Will to Write

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will. — Vince Lombardi

Legendary Green Bay Packers’ Coach Vince Lombardi understood success and he understood what it took to achieve it.  It takes willpower to coach a team to the SuperBowl and win – twice.  Willpower, and always keeping an eye on the ultimate goal.

It also takes willpower to write and publish a book then another, and another.  Raw, butt-breaking, stick-to-it willpower.   Best-selling author Madeline Hunter once said that she had never seen a writer who persevered not eventually publish. Since then, I have observed others and seen first-hand the truth of her words.  Writers who persevere do eventually publish.

When I think on my experiences in writing my first book, I’m awed that I ever finished it. It was a daunting job, even with the assistance of a decent critique group.  My second book came easier.  My third, written in only eight months, seemed even simpler, although the middle is still mush.  Perhaps if I had pushed myself harder to polish and actually sell those early efforts, I would have had more success with those that followed.  But, somewhere along the way I let life intrude.  Again, again and yet again. 😦

About a year ago I received a medical wake-up call.  It made me examine my life and where I was headed.  I started eating healthier. Over the next several months, I lost a whole lot of weight, and gained a whole new wardrobe. 😀   My husband and I had long talked about a dream trip.  In October we flew to Paris.  But where is my writing in all of this?  It can’t just sit idle.

I’ve had this innate need to write for too long to let it just fade into oblivion.  I won’t allow my obituary to say “An amateur writer, she wrote several novels that were never published.”  I ache to churn out characters and stories that will not just lie buried in some computer file, but will be read and enjoyed by many.

So I’m writing again, daily.  My newly created characters are talking to me.  They’re taking actions that reveal who they are.  They’re getting into trouble.  Forcing me to plot just how I’m going to get them to the point where they finally declare their love.  Just now I’d be thrilled if they’d even talk to each other in a civil manner.  Regardless of the grief they cause, I am writing about their lives and will continue until their story is told.

I will finish this book.   Writers who persevere do eventually publish. ∞



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Twilight Zone

“You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension – a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into…the Twilight Zone.” ~ Rod Serling

From a young age, I was a fan. After bedtime, I’d sneak onto the top of the night stairs and sit in silence as Twilight Zoneolder family members watched the program below on our black and white TV.  Down the hall in our shared bedroom, my younger sister slept.  But in the darkness of that stairwell I sat entranced by Rod Serling’s hypnotic voice as he introduced the latest episode.

There was magic in the stories.  In later years I’d grow to appreciate the scripts with their social commentary.  But at age 8 or 9 there was only the wonder of ordinary people being thrown into extraordinary circumstances.   Along with the fairy tales Mom once read aloud, The Twilight Zone best revealed to my young mind the miraculous art of storytelling.

For years now, I’ve struggled with invisible demons.  What has kept me from publishing?  DoorI want my stories to be bound into books, to be read and enjoyed.  I believe I have it in me to succeed.  Yet, like an actor who fears the stage, just when I’m close I step away.  Is it fear?  Fear of the bogeymen that hide in the forest of publishing?  Am I afraid of the doorway I must enter?

Last month I flew home to visit family, and to attend a conference.  While there I talked in depth with my little sister, the one who once slept through The Twilight Zone.  (Just as well; she was only 3 or 4 at the time.  :wink:)  I also talked with a dear friend, a fellow writer who has gone forward, even as I’ve held back.  Both of them chewed me out and both, like others before them, encouraged.

Soon after my flight home, I saw that for a long while I’ve been unhappy with what I’ve been trying to write.  To publish I must change, wholeheartedly and without reservation.  To rediscover the excitement I once knew, I must cross into another dimension, one that calls to me.

My new work-in-progress is more than a new plot, new characters.  Though still technically a romance, it represents a genre change, one I read but have never attempted to write.   Revitalized, I am writing.   And, if my courage holds, if I maintain the perseverance a published author needs, then my journey into this new dimension may mean success.  ∞

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Of Conferences & Courage

Last weekend I sat in the golden glow of a hotel meeting room in Green Bay, Wisconsin.   Along with 90 or so fellow writers, I listened intently WisRWA Write Touch June 5-7 2009 004as agents and editors revealed market trends and what they, as publishing professionals, were looking for from authors.  The workshop was part of the grand celebration of WisRWA’s 25th Anniversary.

It started Friday. Registration in the Radisson’s comfortable lobby let us greet old friends and chat with new.  Later, in our first workshop, ever-helpful Publisher Raelene Gorlinsky presented When Bad Covers Happen to Good People – an informative and amusing behind-the-scenes look at book covers.  The evening ended with a gourmet dessert reception.  Amid chocolate fountains and luscious desserts we visited, ate, drank, and visited some more.

Saturday. An early breakfast buffet and general meeting were followed by the Agent/Editor Q & A Panel.  Mid-morning, Karen Tabke spoke on It’s Just Business, Don’t Take it Personal. Following Karen’s talk, Executive Editor Birgit Davis-Todd presented Diamond Opportunities–Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Writing for Harlequin.  Throughout the day, authors pitched their books in 10-minute private appointments with attending editors and agents.

Noon lunch was a delicious Slice of Italy. Contest winners for The Write Touch and Fab 5 were announced.  First Sale roses were presented to six WisRWA members who sold their first book since last year’s conference.  WisRWA Write Touch June 5-7 2009 025A special rose was given to WisRWA’s Golden Heart finalist Virginia McCullough.  Special recognition was also given to the five wonderful women who organized this celebratory conference – Donna Kowalczyk, Stacey Netzel, Barbara Raffin, Gini Athey, and Lori Kriescher (see picture).  And, in a heartfelt presentation, Shirley Cayer and Conference Chair Donna Kowalkczyk presented two 2008 Chapter Service Awards – to Mary Jo Scheibl (aka Casey Clifford) and to Sandra Turriff (aka Meg Hennessy).  Both Mary Jo and Sandy had also received roses for their first sales.  What a day!

The afternoon session began with WisRWA’s Got Talent III.  Author Shari Anton read attendees’ first pages while Hilary Sares and agent Laurie McLean WisRWA Write Touch June 5-7 2009 052gave incredibly insightful one-minute critiques.  Author Trish Milburn followed with her workshop Making Your Setting Come Alive. A late afternoon Literacy Book Signing gave us a chance to chat with authors and purchase personally autographed books, including those by best-selling author Sherrilyn Kenyon. (See picture.) At the 25th Anniversary plated dinner, Sherrilyn gave a heartrending Keynote Address that had us both crying and laughing.

Sunday. Following another satisfying breakfast buffet, Ann Voss Peterson spoke on A Word Nerd’s Guide to Pacing.    Barbara Raffin’s workshop, The Story is in the Details showed how critical details are in every aspect of our writing.  Lori Devoti presented the last workshop – Get Where You Want to Go–Setting Goals to Keep You on Track, a most important wrap-up to the weekend.

For the past week, as I returned to my real life – home, family, day job – I’ve been pondering.  I’ve come to realize that it takes raw courage to write a book then strive for publication.  Courage to bare your soul as the authors did in WisRWA’s Got Talent.  Courage to meet face-to-face with an editor to pitch one’s book.  Courage to submit that work for publication, and probable rejection.  Then to do it again and again and again.

Last weekend I was privileged to meet with fellow authors in all stages of their careers, from those writing the first chapter of a first book to a NY Times Bestselling Author whose books are read world wide.   Each one shelters a courageous soul. ∞