Life’s Journeys

“Believe you can and you’re half way there.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

New Year’s Day rings in with lists of resolutions. It’s a natural time to reflect on last year’s mis-steps and the new year’s missions. “This year,” the lists read, “I resolve to eat less, to exercise more, to stop procrastinating, to quit smoking, to spend less money and to save more.” Resolutions are posted in magazines and newspapers, on refrigerators, on Facebook and Twitter. Now there are even Smartphone Apps to keep us focused on these promises. Time’s article “10 Apps to Help Your New Year’s Resolutions Stick” helps assure adherence to improvement.

Like some of my Facebook friends, though, I’m not sure I want to write a list this year. Yes, it can help focus resolves. Writing down a goal is a first step toward achieving it, right? But will I stay focused? Is putting it on paper or online enough? Author Sharon Sala writes, “If you want to do better…or you want a change in your life, don’t make a big deal out of it. Just do it!” Solid advice from a practical woman.

Tom & I cruising the Seine

The world is a scary place. It’s made scarier by those things out of our control – accidents, disease, violence, death. New Year’s Resolutions may improve our day to day life but they can’t guard against life’s tragedies. What can help us get through is another sort of resolve – a desire to adjust our attitude toward life. Toss out the bad. Resurrect the good. Cherish each day — past and present. “Just do it!”

About four years ago I received a diagnosis. Eating healthier to lose weight would help. That wasn’t easy considering weight loss is probably the number one fail on each list of New Year’s resolutions. But I told myself repeatedly that, if I didn’t do it, I would grow sicker and die. I told myself so often that I came to believe it. So I lived my life eating healthy. I cut out junk and counted calories. Amazingly I lost weight and became healthier. I’ve backslid some since then, but parts of that belief are still ingrained in my brain, still nudging me toward health. I must listen. I have my sons, my family, and my goals to live for. (One is to publish the great American novel. Gotta do that before I leave this earth. 🙂 )

Two years ago my soul mate and sons’ father unexpectedly left us. His sudden passing devastated me and his family. Those who have endured such loss know more than anyone that no words can describe the pain, the paralyzing grief. On the day of his funeral, a dear family member quietly told me that if ever I felt myself slipping into despair, imagine instead that I was the one in Heaven and he was still alive on Earth but now sinking into darkness. Would I want him to grieve in such a way? Or would I want him to learn to live without me? Would I want him happy? In the shock of my beloved’s death, I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other. I did what must be done. That led me through the first many months. Her compassionate words are leading me through the rest. I would want him to be happy.

My new home in Wisconsin
(Thank you, Sue, for the winter photo)

It takes a change in attitude, learning to adjust and move forward. I believe that’s what is needed to see any sort of resolution succeed. For me, that means adjusting my mindset to help achieve my goals. At midnight, as I heard a few fireworks exploding in the distance to celebrate the birth of 2014, the word brave came to me on a whisper, Tom’s voice. I need to be brave this year and in the years to come.

There’s so much ahead. I’ll retire this year and say goodbye to my job of twenty years. I’ll move 800 miles back to my hometown, to my new home. There’s so much to do. I’m eager for my move, but it’s also a huge change and a bit frightening. It will take bravery to make it all happen. A list will help but this year I must focus on attitude and my new found word to guide me. In 2014 and in the years to come, I must be brave.

What word will help you achieve your New Year’s goals? ♥

Last week I traveled to Wisconsin to visit my siblings and to attend WisRWA’s 2013 Write Touch Conference. I also, unexpectedly, bought a house.

It’s been a long eighteen months since my loss. During that time, I’ve kept busy with my day job and various house projects. But despite living in the East for close to 25 years, at heart I’m still a Midwesterner; most of my family still lives there. Last year I decided that when I retired in 2014, I would move closer to home. A logical decision, one that felt right in spite of the added drama so many nearby kinfolk might bring into my life.

On the Internet I began to follow the southern Wisconsin housing market. On trips, I began dragging siblings with me to see houses. Most recently, I made offers on two separate houses, both non-productive. On this particular trip, however, nothing seemed to fit. Last Wednesday, after two afternoons of seeing an assortment of selected listings, I parted with my realtor and headed back to my brother’s. “We’ll find something next visit,” I thought. “There’s time.”

Lovely Cape Cod

Minutes later, my realtor called about a new listing she’d just seen on their in-house board.

When I drove up the quiet, tree-lined street to meet her in front of the brick Cape Cod, its traditional charm greeted me. Mid-tour through the empty house, I called my local sibs, pleading with them to meet me at the house despite the busy dinner hour. During their tour, each of them privately pulled me aside. Although they may rarely agree on much, each said the same thing. “If you don’t buy it, I will.”

Bright Sun Room

An hour later, back in the realty office over take-out pizza and store-bought peanut butter cookies, my realtor guided me through my offer to buy. My husband and I, during our 38 years together, bought four houses. And, as mentioned above, over the past few months I’d written up two other offers. This still felt strange, alone. At the form’s bottom, there are two spaces for the buyer to sign – generally husband and wife. I signed the top line, noting the other line with a degree of sadness. Thoughts raced through my mind. It’s serious business, committing to buy a house, alone. It’s serious business, committing oneself to an 850-mile move into retirement, alone.

Bedroom

Of course, I’m not alone. Everywhere loved ones reach out in support. My friends. My realtor. My family. My sons. And always, my husband. During the very long 22-hour wait for the seller to respond to my offer, I felt his warm presence. I believe he would love this house. (Well, maybe not some of the wallpaper, but that can be replaced.)

Right now I’m in mid-process. Inspections completed with closing scheduled for summer. With luck, all will move smoothly. It’s a friendly house with good bones. With some repairs and a few minor changes to make it my own, it will comfortably meet my needs when I retire and in years to come. It’s a bright, airy house that, next year, I’ll make into my home.

I’m moving forward.

WisRWA President Anne Parent chats with Keynote Speaker Michael Hauge

By the way, the WisRWA Write Touch Conference was great. I heard dynamic speakers, enjoyed wonderful visits with old friends, and savored the joy of forming new friendships. At times, though, I had a tough time focusing on conference business. In my mind I kept walking through the rooms of my new house. I stripped wallpaper, arranged furniture, entertained family and friends, read, and created new stories in that glorious sun room. I’m glad my roommate and other writer friends were understanding, and that our Keynote Speaker, Michael Hauge, offered a DVD. ♥